I’ve written a lot of blog posts recently on which I promised to update you on so here we go.
I just finished lesson no.4 and it isn’t quite as hard as I thought although I never thought gear changes would be quite so difficult. My driving instructor says that I have a tendency to worry about what’s going on around me more than what’s happening in the car. When I see a pedestrian I tend to take my foot off the accelerator and when I see another vehicle coming my way I freeze and mess up any instructions given to me. Of course, I must focus on what I can do: start and stop, hill starts, junctions, 1st-3rd gear and drive on the main road; and then everything else will start to fall into place.
I must admit that I forgot to hit publish on this one and left it sitting in my drafts for two weeks. I’m definitely starting to feel the burn of a disrupted sleep schedule but I’m working away with out any issues. I’ve decided that when I finally get my appointment with the special needs team, who normally support me with my diabetes and anxiety, that I’m going to push to see a psychologist to try and get a dyslexia diagnosis, or at least an idea of why I struggle with reading and writing sometimes. I’ve known that something wasn’t right since I was 13, but my GP, psychiatrist and ex-school played a game of hot potato on who was responsible for getting me an appointment with a psychologist. In the end it was my ex-school who grudgingly accepted responsibility, but told me there was a long waiting time. Thinking that there was just a long waiting list, I never bothered to ask anyone how long it would be before I got seen and just forgot about it until I was 15. When I asked my year head about it two months before my GCSEs, she admitted that the school just “forgot” about it and that there was nothing she could really do considering I was leaving at the end of that year. Last year I never thought to ask my new college to contact a psychologist because I was just so happy to be away from my old school but starting driving lessons has prompted me to start nagging about it again. I can’t tell left from right very well, and when my instructor tells me something about the clutch I reach for the gear stick since I struggle to associate words with objects at times – none of these traits are helpful when learning to drive. Thankfully I can type better than I can write, so studying IT was definitely the right choice for me.
I’m managing fairly well with coming off anti-depressants. I must admit there was one night where I reached for a tablet because I was having horrible intrusive thoughts. I read about the Columbia Space Shuttle disaster and how members of the public found body parts strewn across farms – all I could imagine was a disembodied head still in it’s helmet coming smashing through my bedroom window – morbid, right? Maybe fluoxetine wasn’t the right tool for that. I should’ve closed my curtains, turned the light on and watched a Korean variety show – something funny with my favourite idols (Unnies’ Slam Dunk, anyone?). Other withdrawal symptoms have subsided, but I still have insomnia although I think that’s always been there, just covered up by fluoxetine. I’ve found that as long as I feel busy and useful, I’m happy
So yeah, I just wanted to write a quick follow up to some of the posts I’ve written over the last month. I have some blog post ideas and a few recipes I want to share so hopefully you will here more from me pretty soon.