I’ve been thinking a lot recently about my relationship with blogging. This blog has been admittedly very low key and I haven’t put a lot of effort into promoting it like I did with previous blogs. I guess this one has been the realist and the most personal one which is why I’m cautious about putting it out there. The reason I’ve drifted away from blogging the last two years is that I’m trying to be more present. I throw myself at any opportunity that comes my way and I spend the rest of the time at college which only leaves sleepless nights for blogging. I would like to blog more often but quality over quantity.
I’ve had a WordPress account for ten years which I have used to create four blogs, two of which I outgrew and another that I forced to delete because of mental health issues. I still occasionally get asked advice about blogging from friends which is nice but makes me feel a bit odd because nobody in “real life” was ever meant to know about my past blogs. In effect I feel like I’ve grown up with WordPress, and whilst I’ve unintentionally distanced myself from the blogging community the last two years I still feel a lot of love for it. People who don’t even know what I look like have kindly talked sense into me when I was out of my mind and made me feel validated and loved whenever I felt utterly alone.
To be honest, tonight I was originally planning to blog about the depressive episode that I’m currently dealing with but then I remembered all the help and support that I’ve received from strangers all around the world via blogs and I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. You folk are the reason that I can now calmly write a blog about how I’m feeling instead of flying off the rails and I’ll always be grateful. I’m trying to spread kindness in my own little ways to try and pay it forward.
For a kid that was given uncontrolled access to the internet I think I did well in ending up here. Thank you.
(And as for the depressive episode, I will be seeing my social worker tomorrow and I have a psychiatrist appointment this week but I’m staying off meds. I think the midterm break threw my body clock off and that’s just upset everything else. It’s all under control.)