Results Day was terrifying. I got a C and spent the morning feeling so angry with myself, but then I pulled myself together and went into town to get a haircut and began to feel marginally better. When my dad picked me up he told me the news about the terrorist attack unfolding in Barcelona and it really put everything into perspective. There was me moping around over a perfectly good pass grade while people had been brutally murdered.

I spent a lot of the day after that watching the BBC news and recognised the little shops that I went to on a school trip when I was 14. One girl bought a penis shaped lollipop and 14 year old me thought it was the funniest thing ever. It’s just so bizarre how a place I once stood and laughed became the place of someone’s death.

So yeah, while I’m not overly happy about my AS result it’s not the end of the world. I’m going to get one paper remarked and resit another which will hopefully bring me up to a B, maybe an A if I’m really lucky. I said that I wouldn’t do A2 if I got a C or below but I’m not so sure now because I don’t want to give my Spanish studies. I’ve studied Spanish for 6 years now and this is the first real setback but for a girl who only had 2hr30min of class each week and was buried in assignments for my other course the week of my AS exams it’s probably a miracle that I passed.

Results Day Dread

Note: I wrote this last week but didn’t publish because I forgot that our modem wasn’t working 

A Level results day is looming nearer and nearer and I am terrified. I only sat one AS this year but I’m more scared than I was about GCSEs. This is why I like BTECs – I knew if I passed each module within days of submitting it and I could always resubmit if I didn’t get a distinction on my first attempt. But with AS/A2 you get one shot. Considering that I spent £370 altogether for my Spanish classes, books and exam fees I literally cannot afford to fail. 

I have no way to gauge how well I did until 7am on Thursday morning when I log onto the CCEA results website. In a way I don’t “need” this AS Level since I’m already doing a BTEC Extended Diploma but this has been my personal vanity project this year to prove that I am cable of sitting A Levels. 

To be fair the BTEC course is also keeping me up at night but for other reasons. You see, I thought I had successfully re-enrolled myself for the second year of the course but it turns out I accidentally enrolled myself on the first year of the course since the option for second year wasn’t available because my tutor forgot to send confirmation that I passed the first year. I phoned the college and they said that they would get back to me once it was sorted out – but three weeks later I haven’t heard anything. So at the minute I’m in limbo. I don’t think I’m in the wrong because my tutor made the mistake, nor did the college send me re-enrolment instructions but at the same time I didn’t phone them until after the re-enrolment deadline so I’m going a bit crazy here.

Despite all my academic woes I’m keeping it together quite well for a person weaning off fluoxetine. So at least I have that going for me.

Busy Summer

I’ve spent a total of 8 days at home since the start of July, which is unlike me but a good thing I suppose. I spent two weeks in Spain and then two weeks sailing around Scotland for sail training (lot’s of love at Sail Training Ireland). Next week I’m doing a Cloud Computing camp just because I can and I have an audition for a theatre youth group coming up. Despite being an introvert being surrounded by people makes me happy.  I’m still on a half dose of fluoxetine, taking tablets on alternate days, but I’ve had no major relapses so keeping busy seems to be working for me. 

In other news I’ve decided to defer any university offers I get from CAO until next year. I was really set on going in September but I’m only 17 and it would be more fun if I’m 18. I’ve got nothing to lose and can’t wait to start my final year at college. I got Distinction*Distinction* in my BTEC (the top grade) and I’m feeling positive about the AS Level results next week. 

So yeah, my goal for the summer is just to keep busy. Things are good right now.