Numb

EDIT: Looking back on this three hours later, I can tell you that I’m okay and that this is very sensationalised. I was going to delete it but then decided to leave it up as it is an honest depiction of what mental illness can do to a person. One minute you’re fine after a good day, the next you want to kill yourself. Sorry to be blunt but that’s how it is.

I always feel like I’m the third wheel, the person that tags along despite not being explicitly invited. The one that takes photos because nobody really wants to be in a photo with me. And it’s tearing me apart. 

Some people want to be rich; others happy but I know that neither of those are possible for me so I just have one simple wish: someone to call my own. Not necessarily a boy/girlfriend, just someone that cared about me. Someone that trusted me. Someone that would recognise that I’m hurting. Someone who would organise things to do. I don’t have anyone like that. I have to ask to be invited or beg people to come out with me.

I used to care so much for everyone. I used to smile when they were happy, cry when they were sad. Now I’m just completely numb to it all. It’s one thing to be alone, but another to be lonely and it is killing me.

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