Autopilot

Many of you know that I moved from a local grammar school to a college in the city centre and I just wanted to tell you all about a weird thing that happened to me a few weeks ago.

I woke up one morning feeling a bit groggy despite waking naturally, and my brain just went into autopilot. I sat at the edge of my bed and tested my blood as usual, and then went to get my school uniform as usual… But that’s not usual anymore, I don’t have a uniform anymore. 

I didn’t fully realise my mistake until I was holding the sharpie signature covered shirt that was once one of the four blue shirts I owned that it was not my uniform anymore because I left school. It was just so weird, I took it out of the wardrobe and held it and had a cry. I’m not sad that I left since I know it was the right choice for me but sometimes I miss the people and the regular timetable and the crappy school dinners and even the uniform. Obviously, as a friend pointed out when I told her about this, that school played a major role in my life for five years – it completely consumed it at times – it’s completely natural that I still haven’t found a new “normal”. 

After having a wee cry I checked my phone – it was 4am on a Saturday morning. My mind works in mysterious ways.

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